Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
