Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
