ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize