Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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