i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
