Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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