you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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