This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
