and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
