it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
