Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
