I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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