I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize