If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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