I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize