We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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