i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
