I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
