The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
