Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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