Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
