he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
