is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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