You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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