There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
