Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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