i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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