I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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