i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize