508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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