it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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