Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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