the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
