If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize