I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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