I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
