I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Found the puke drawer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
