Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize