two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
