Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
