meet me or not, i'm out of control
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
