I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
