I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
