Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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