my vag is so smooth its legendary
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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