He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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