I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
