I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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