No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
