dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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