i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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