After last night, I could never be a politician.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
