So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
