just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
