I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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