just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
