I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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