K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
