Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
