He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize