You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
