There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
