Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
