oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
