how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
