This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
