i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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