I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
