We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
