Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
