You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My feet surprised me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
