i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
