I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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