Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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