you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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