Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
