It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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