So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
