Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Randomize
