my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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