two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize