there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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