I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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