His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is the high leading the old right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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