Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
