Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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