with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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