I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
