One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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