I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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