We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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