i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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