im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
