this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
