so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
