My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
