I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
