mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
