She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
