hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
