I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
