I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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