I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
