it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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