Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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