He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What drink are we having for lunch?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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