Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
