I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
