they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
