Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
should my penis look like a turkey
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
