I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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