yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
