I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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