What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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