Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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