I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
