You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
