my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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