Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
