it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
