had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize