when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize