need another drink. this is the easiest way
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
