either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
