After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
