woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
