im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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