Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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