dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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