i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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