she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
