i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
