Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
