I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
