I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
