I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize